(no subject)

[dru_evilista]

Title: The Intervention
Author: Dru
Fandom: House MD
Pairing: None
Summary: Based on spoilers! Wilson Cuddy and the Ducklings give House a surprise intervention.
Archive: If you want
Rating: K
Parts: 1/1
Status: Complete
Spoilers: Yes. Based on reading the Spoiler thread on TWoP about House smoking in rehab. Other then that? No.
Series/Sequel: No
Website: http://www.geocities.com/dru_evilpointybiteyone
Disclaimer: I don't own House.
Authors notes & Warnings: Based on reading the Spoiler thread on TWoP about House smoking and my own twisted brain thought about all those 90's teen shows (Saved By The Bell, Hang Time, California Dreams, etc...) where someone starts smoking and all their friends get together to lecture the hell out of them. Also...it's short. You have been warned!

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House paused as he walked into his office to find Wilson, Cuddy Chase, Foreman and Cameron all sitting in there waiting for him. "Wow. I thought the name on the door said 'House' but I must be wrong since everyone but me is in here hanging out."

"House come in. We need to talk to you." Cuddy told him standing up from her place on the couch.

House walked behind his desk dropping his bag on in as he went. "Okaaay. About what?"

"This is a intervention."

"What?! Jeeze! I'm already in therapy! Leave me alone already!"

"Yeah I know. I have all the clay penis statues you've been making in art therapy. It's not about the Vicodin. It's about the smoking! House you're a doctor! You know how bad for you it is!" Wilson scolded. "And if that's not bad enough you're doing it on my balcony, making my patients think I'm smoking!"

House snorted. "You've been watching after school specials again haven't you? Like you said, I'm a doctor. I think I can make the decision on my own thank you very much! Are we done?"

"No. House you're risking Cancer: The risk of dying from lung cancer is more than 22 times higher among men who smoke cigarettes, and about 12 times higher among women who smoke cigarettes compared with never smokers. Cigarette smoking increases the risk for many types of cancer, including cancers of the lip, oral cavity, and pharynx; esophagus; pancreas; larynx; lung; uterine cervix; urinary bladder; and kidney. Cardiovascular Disease: Cigarette smokers are 2–4 times more likely to develop coronary heart disease than nonsmokers. Cigarette smoking approximately doubles a person’s risk for stroke. Cigarette smoking causes reduced circulation by narrowing the blood vessels. Smokers are more than 10 times as likely as nonsmokers to develop peripheral vascular disease. Respiratory Disease and Other Effects: Cigarette smoking is associated with a ten-fold increase in the risk of dying from chronic obstructive lung disease. About 90% of all deaths from chronic obstructive lung diseases are attributable to cigarette smoking."

House stared at Foreman in disbelief as he read from a sheet of paper. "Ok once again let me say: Doctor! I know all that already! Good God what's next? The pictures of a smokers lungs?"

Cameron blushed and stuffed the pictures she was holding behind a couch cushion. "Uhh no?"

House groaned. "Don't you people have jobs?! Or can you at least go harass the smokers who aren't me? Go quick! They're all up on the roof! They'll love this!"

Cuddy sighed and rubbed her forehead, then Looked at House again. "House we're just worried about you. You have enough problems as it is without adding having to drag a oxygen tank around with you, to the list!"

"I wouldn't have to drag it. They come with those nifty wheeled carts." House stated earning him self a glare from the whole room.

"House..." Chase didn't say anything further. He just gave House the dreaded sad puppy eyes.

House scowled. "Fine! God! I'll quit already! Now get the hell out before I set you all on fire! I have the lighters and I'm not afraid to use them now that I can't use them for their intended purpose!"

Wilson smiled and patted him on the arm. "You won't regret it."

"I already am. Fire Wilson. I have Fire!" House growled at his best friend.

Wilson just chuckled and filed out with the others.

House groaned and banged his head against the back of his chair. "Note to self: Learn to be sneakier with smoking location."

The End!

Comments

[sleepyheathen.livejournal.com]

"House..." Chase didn't say anything further. He just gave House the dreaded sad puppy eyes.
House scowled. "Fine! God! I'll quit already! Now get the hell out before I set you all on fire! I have the lighters and I'm not afraid to use them now that I can't use them for their intended purpose!"

oh, man, love it! chase's puppy dog eyes - enough to stop grown men in their tracks!
it's amazing how many medical personnel smoke.

[dru_evilista]

Hee thanks. *pets Chase* He has super human powers! And yup. Doctors can be dumb just like the rest of humanity!