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dru_evilista
Owen muttered into the recorder as he worked, autopsying the third weevil of the day. At least now he knew what had killed them, mostly. His random guess before had been almost right. There was massive blood loss. At least ninety percent. It seemed like every blood vessel in their bodies had ruptured. Massive, amounts of brain damage on top of that. It was…bizarre. And bordering on the impossible.
Gwen's head poked into the autopsy bay, waggling Owen’s mobile. "Owen, phone for you. Say's she's your neighbor? Mrs...Smith?"
Owen groaned and gestured with his gloves. "All slimy here, put her on speaker." Gwen did as ordered, setting the mobile delicately on the weevil’s flayed chest before retreating back to stand on the landing with Tosh. "Hey? Mrs.-"
"Owen! Owen, dear is that you?" His neighbor’s familiar, somewhat grandmotherly, voice sounded out of place in the autopsy bay.
"Yeah. Yeah it's me."
"Oh it's so lovely to hear you're voice, sweetheart! But the reason I called it, do you know there's burglars in your flat?!"
"Lovely to hear from you too." Owen answered absently, poking around in the Weevil’s stomach cavity. "Wait? What? Burglars? No."
"Owen you've been gone for a month! And now there's two men walking around your flat, touching everything! Snooping And earlier they were in your bed. What sort of perverts break into a man's home and get in his bed?" Mrs. Smith was bordering on the frantic.
Owen sighed, pulling out the soothing voice that was usually reserved only for his Guide of fellow Sentinel. "Yes I know I haven't been home lately, but you know I told you a month or so ago, I've been traveling for my job a lot. Hardly been having a moment to sit down, you know how it is. But I'm back here in Cardiff now for a while."
"That doesn’t explain the men, dear."
"Was one of them wearing a coat earlier, fairly swishy when he turns?"
"Yes!"
"And the other one's probably been cleaning a bit?"
"Yes!"
"The swishy one is Jack Harkness. The cleaner is Ianto Jones. Perfectly harmless. They're...friends of mine."
"Friends? Owen dear, you know you scared me half to death thinking you were being robbed! You should have called me and told me you were back in town!"
"Yeah. Yes Ma'am. Right, of course I should have called you. Horrible oversight on my part. Forgive me?" Owen rolled his eyes, and flipped two gloved fingers up at Tosh and Gwen as they stared at him wide eyed, hands clamped over their mouths to hold in the laughs.
"Oh of course Owen. You know I can't stay mad at you. You're such a darling young man. So much nicer then most young people today. You'll have introduce me to your friends! I'm sure I'll love them."
"Of course. Right. We'll have to have you one of these days. I'm sure-"
"What did you say those names were again? You know how things fly right out of my head these days! Let me write it down. Oh! And what kind of cookies should I bake them?"
Owen resisted the urge to bang his head off the wall. He was never going to live this down. "Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness. Uh..chocolate? And Maybe something with coffee? Ianto's got a bit of an addiction for the stuff..."
"Hm... I'm sure I can whip something up for the dears. I have your favorite recipe right here. Rum Raisin. I know you love that."
"Yeah. Sounds good. I'm sure they'll love to meet you. Right." Owen looked around and slapped a button on the heart monitor. It wasn’t hooked up to anything, so it wailed. Loudly. "Oh! Darling, I'm sorry, but I'm being paged! Emergency! Got to run! Talk to you again soon, yeah? Ta!" Owen fumbled with the mobile, uncaring of the gore that got into the speakers as he turned it off.
He swore and collapsed over the counter. "Fuck! Never, I repeat, never tell a neighbor you’re a doctor just to get into her granddaughters pants. You'll never be rid of her."
As soon the end button was hit Gwen and Tosh had burst out into laughter, sliding down the wall, to collapse into giggling heaps.
"Oh! Oh my god! " Gwen gasped. "What was that?! Who are you, and what have you done with our rude, nasty, sarcastic doctor?!"
Owen scowled up at them "My neighbor. When I first moved in, I was trying to chat up a bird who turned out to be her granddaughter. The doctor thing got out, and I've been trapped ever since." He wasn’t about to mention the time he had helped her cat, Mr. Mittens, through a rough pregnancy. Sure it had earned him free cookies for life, but it had robbed him of his dignity.
"That doesn't explain how...nice, how polite you were!" Tosh squeaked out. Owen felt a twinge of worry at how red she was turning from laughter.
"She reminds me of my Gran ok?! I just can't be....me to her. Oh just shut up and get back to work!" Owen snapped, glaring and turning back to his weevil corpse.
When they didn't move her grabbed a organ that was vaguely liver like and drew his arm back threateningly. They were still gasping for breath, but managed to pull themselves up and headed back to their desks, still giggling. Owen lowered the organ, scowling.
Owen sighed and shook his head going back to his autopsy, wincing briefly as he realized the audio recorder had been on for the entire exchange. Ianto would love transcribing that one for the archives.
He slipped back into his serious doctor mode as he focused again on the body. From all signs it appeared the weevil...Cindy was it? He checked the post-it note Gwen had stuck to its forehead. Yep. Cindy. Cindy Had died of massive, numerous aneurysms. And..something. Violent, painful, and unbelievably messy. Like the other two he had already done. Just like. Owen shuddered and ripped his gloves off as he shoved the weevil into the drawer to send it down to the freezer for now. God. Ianto had done this. His Ianto. His gentle, kind Ianto, who served him cold coffee for a week whenever he thought Owen had killed a lab rat unnecessarily.
He glared up at the ceiling again. There had better not be a afterlife, or a god, or whatever the hell ever was supposed to exist. Because if there was he was going to have serious words with whoever was in change when he died for letting this happen. Lousy fuckers.
Gwen's head poked into the autopsy bay, waggling Owen’s mobile. "Owen, phone for you. Say's she's your neighbor? Mrs...Smith?"
Owen groaned and gestured with his gloves. "All slimy here, put her on speaker." Gwen did as ordered, setting the mobile delicately on the weevil’s flayed chest before retreating back to stand on the landing with Tosh. "Hey? Mrs.-"
"Owen! Owen, dear is that you?" His neighbor’s familiar, somewhat grandmotherly, voice sounded out of place in the autopsy bay.
"Yeah. Yeah it's me."
"Oh it's so lovely to hear you're voice, sweetheart! But the reason I called it, do you know there's burglars in your flat?!"
"Lovely to hear from you too." Owen answered absently, poking around in the Weevil’s stomach cavity. "Wait? What? Burglars? No."
"Owen you've been gone for a month! And now there's two men walking around your flat, touching everything! Snooping And earlier they were in your bed. What sort of perverts break into a man's home and get in his bed?" Mrs. Smith was bordering on the frantic.
Owen sighed, pulling out the soothing voice that was usually reserved only for his Guide of fellow Sentinel. "Yes I know I haven't been home lately, but you know I told you a month or so ago, I've been traveling for my job a lot. Hardly been having a moment to sit down, you know how it is. But I'm back here in Cardiff now for a while."
"That doesn’t explain the men, dear."
"Was one of them wearing a coat earlier, fairly swishy when he turns?"
"Yes!"
"And the other one's probably been cleaning a bit?"
"Yes!"
"The swishy one is Jack Harkness. The cleaner is Ianto Jones. Perfectly harmless. They're...friends of mine."
"Friends? Owen dear, you know you scared me half to death thinking you were being robbed! You should have called me and told me you were back in town!"
"Yeah. Yes Ma'am. Right, of course I should have called you. Horrible oversight on my part. Forgive me?" Owen rolled his eyes, and flipped two gloved fingers up at Tosh and Gwen as they stared at him wide eyed, hands clamped over their mouths to hold in the laughs.
"Oh of course Owen. You know I can't stay mad at you. You're such a darling young man. So much nicer then most young people today. You'll have introduce me to your friends! I'm sure I'll love them."
"Of course. Right. We'll have to have you one of these days. I'm sure-"
"What did you say those names were again? You know how things fly right out of my head these days! Let me write it down. Oh! And what kind of cookies should I bake them?"
Owen resisted the urge to bang his head off the wall. He was never going to live this down. "Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness. Uh..chocolate? And Maybe something with coffee? Ianto's got a bit of an addiction for the stuff..."
"Hm... I'm sure I can whip something up for the dears. I have your favorite recipe right here. Rum Raisin. I know you love that."
"Yeah. Sounds good. I'm sure they'll love to meet you. Right." Owen looked around and slapped a button on the heart monitor. It wasn’t hooked up to anything, so it wailed. Loudly. "Oh! Darling, I'm sorry, but I'm being paged! Emergency! Got to run! Talk to you again soon, yeah? Ta!" Owen fumbled with the mobile, uncaring of the gore that got into the speakers as he turned it off.
He swore and collapsed over the counter. "Fuck! Never, I repeat, never tell a neighbor you’re a doctor just to get into her granddaughters pants. You'll never be rid of her."
As soon the end button was hit Gwen and Tosh had burst out into laughter, sliding down the wall, to collapse into giggling heaps.
"Oh! Oh my god! " Gwen gasped. "What was that?! Who are you, and what have you done with our rude, nasty, sarcastic doctor?!"
Owen scowled up at them "My neighbor. When I first moved in, I was trying to chat up a bird who turned out to be her granddaughter. The doctor thing got out, and I've been trapped ever since." He wasn’t about to mention the time he had helped her cat, Mr. Mittens, through a rough pregnancy. Sure it had earned him free cookies for life, but it had robbed him of his dignity.
"That doesn't explain how...nice, how polite you were!" Tosh squeaked out. Owen felt a twinge of worry at how red she was turning from laughter.
"She reminds me of my Gran ok?! I just can't be....me to her. Oh just shut up and get back to work!" Owen snapped, glaring and turning back to his weevil corpse.
When they didn't move her grabbed a organ that was vaguely liver like and drew his arm back threateningly. They were still gasping for breath, but managed to pull themselves up and headed back to their desks, still giggling. Owen lowered the organ, scowling.
Owen sighed and shook his head going back to his autopsy, wincing briefly as he realized the audio recorder had been on for the entire exchange. Ianto would love transcribing that one for the archives.
He slipped back into his serious doctor mode as he focused again on the body. From all signs it appeared the weevil...Cindy was it? He checked the post-it note Gwen had stuck to its forehead. Yep. Cindy. Cindy Had died of massive, numerous aneurysms. And..something. Violent, painful, and unbelievably messy. Like the other two he had already done. Just like. Owen shuddered and ripped his gloves off as he shoved the weevil into the drawer to send it down to the freezer for now. God. Ianto had done this. His Ianto. His gentle, kind Ianto, who served him cold coffee for a week whenever he thought Owen had killed a lab rat unnecessarily.
He glared up at the ceiling again. There had better not be a afterlife, or a god, or whatever the hell ever was supposed to exist. Because if there was he was going to have serious words with whoever was in change when he died for letting this happen. Lousy fuckers.
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(no subject)
Date: Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 10:37 pm (UTC)The autopsy stuff is unpleasant and I know Owen will find it hard to tell Ianto (that's if he does tell him at all).
(no subject)
Date: Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 01:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Friday, August 14th, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC)I love little old ladies that call you to see if you know you're being robbed. ♥